It’s not just performance anxiety. It’s culture.
I’m orienting a new sub and he’s adorable in his requests. I thought my answer to his question about why it’s hard to stay hard during an MFM might be illuminating, so I’m sharing here and building on it:
“Performance anxiety is common, and the more comfortable you are with the people, the less frequent is it likely to be. But occasionally I’ll see men power through by being super-focused on what they are doing. (Or, WHO they are doing.) So sometimes chit chat is not helpful. But other times, it reminds them that it’s a friendly situation.”
The Terror of Vulnerability
I also think it has roots in biphobia / homophobia which was stronger as a taboo for men raised in the 80s/90s…even being liberal about other’s people sexuality is not enough to combat that early fear. Much of the jingoism of the 1980s instilled that gayness is bad, contagious, anti-masculine, weak, socially undesirable — while also glorifying the G.I. Joe culture of toxic masculinity. So even the surrender to pleasure can leave you weak, (this is actually a theme in a lot of pop culture!) so don’t risk it. And certainly, our fascination with spy stuff is predicated on not knowing who you can trust…women to seduce you, men to double cross you.