I’m sharing these here as well as on my InstaGram and Patreon (because I want to draw you in, of course.) Let’s discuss the concepts but I’ll keep it short!
In polyamorous dating, this is critical:
- Transparency means trust — tell me, I can handle it. It means you understand that communication matters more than perfection.
- Transparency means tell me when something is perking — you’re chatting a lot with someone, you’re making plans to meet up, you have a date.
- Transparency can include parameters —such as: “Don’t tell me details upfront, wait for me to ask for more.” or “I do not want to see pictures.”
- In response to transparency, I can say: “I’m having some feelings about this, give me a minute to process.” It doesn’t have to be automatic acceptance.
- Transparency doesn’t mean “I told you! you can’t be mad” or free pass on everything just because you told me. But the reverse is also more true: “you didn’t tell me, so I am justifiably mad.” That’s more about the process than the content.
- My biggest hiccup with this concept so far has been heteronormative baggage seeping in, from two important relationships. Even when it’s clear and discussed, the default is to hide in shame. That is the destroyer of trust and so hard to get back. Men, in particular, seem to have real disbelief that women actually want to know that they’re sleeping with someone else, or any safety information. (And, I suppose the normies would agree, but this is a mindset shift to polyamory, remember!)
- Clarity is kindness, and transparency is trust. Write it down!