Transgression of the Culture, Not Transgression of My Body.

There’s a big difference!

North Star
4 min readOct 13, 2021


I was voice to texting today, describing what I have learned on this journey so far and I said a phrase that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about…”transgression of the culture.”

It was in the context of explaining what I’m into. Because, I am not into degradation. At all, I’ve discovered. I don’t want to hear that you think I’m a dirty slut (perhaps because I’m too literal, and perhaps, because I’m too proud) and I don’t want to hear you say horrible things about women (mostly, because we already live in a world that does it low-key every day and gets bent out of shape when we say anything about it.) These things do nothing for me, except make me angry and argumentative.

However, I do like transgression. I like pushing the edges of what I’m not supposed to do (and perhaps that’s how people who do like degradation feel about it, but I don’t) and I love to flaunt the social constructs. There is much to be transgressed, in an oversexualized culture that hates when people actually love sex, live their lives for pleasure and experiment consensually.

The American cultural messages are confusing: “sex is for beautiful, young people.” “Sex is dirty.” “Sex is for marriage.” “Spice up your marriage or he’ll leave you.” “Be good in bed and nothing else matters.” “The way you want to have sex is gross.” “The way you want to have sex is immoral.” “You aren’t allowed to have sex with that person.” “You should want to have sex with him, he’s nice.”

To that I say,” Fuck Off.” To each of these thoughts, words, things, I say, “No, you don’t get to decide that for me. I’m free to do as I like.”

Let’s group them into themes:

How you should feel about sex

  • You’re not supposed to like sex this much.
  • You’re not supposed to be 44 and think you’re sexy.
  • You’re not supposed to be a mother and a sexual person.
  • You’re not supposed to set aside so much time for sex.
  • You’re not supposed to be anyone but yourself during sex.

Who you should have sex with



North Star

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