Seeking multiple partners…aren’t you a swinger? Nope.
In my attempt to expand my interest in group play to a more regular thing, I got on Feeld, which is an app for “additional partners.” While my interpretation of that is anyone in a non-monogamous relationship is welcome, polyamorists as well as swingers, and that means in whatever manner you prefer, I have been accused by some folks of being unclear about my intentions.
To be fair, I have said the same thing to them — but I believe as a good kinkster should, that it’s all negotiable. Also…what about parallel polyamory or mono-poly variations? Not everyone is there looking for someone to “share.” {Sidenote:}The official description of Feeld is “for couples and singles” and promotes many gender identity and sexual preference options.
But my point here is about swingers, and how I’ve run into a number of variations that remind me that all ENM situations or styles are not the same. I read “The Polyamorists Next Door” a very interesting book that is part sociological study and part autobiography.
The author, Elisabeth Sheff, talks about the demographic difference between swingers and people participating in polyamory — and I think she hit on it in a recent chapter. Swingers are more likely to be conservative and intent on preserving both their couplehood and their privilege. It’s more of a recreational activity, still tied to possessiveness by the spouses. (As evidenced by the nametags at the swingers event, with both people’s name on them, yes.)
So recreational fun, mostly untethered to love or icky feelings and easily turned on and off. More like playing tennis — “We’ll see you at the tennis match and that’s it.” It seems to be community that encourages compartmentalization rather than connection between individuals. However, I did talk to some people at the event who said that they play regularly or have a variation on this.
But polyamorists encourage feelings, dangerous as they may be. (See the illusion of feelings insurance.) It’s fine to also see what the relationships calls for. It might be a bit complicated over time or along different relationship threads…but it’s more organic, in my opinion. I know that swinging is sometimes a gateway to more lasting extramarital relationships but it seems to have…
