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Poly Milestones

North Star


If it’s not The One, Weddings, Marriage and Kids….how do you calculate relationship success?

I’ve written about this before, and I have some more milestones to share!

Basically, if you are dating someone for a certain amount of time (say, six months) that both you and other people who aren’t even in the relationship may somehow conclude that it’s time for the next step.

But poly life is not that linear.

The Base:

Saying you’re polyamorous is the beginning…on a dating app, on a date, coming out to a friend or someone in your social circle. Then when you have a potential partner, someone you’re interested in, conveying that to your inner circle and partners is the next step. My people begin to hear names repeated and they recognize the set of details associated with particular names.

Once it becomes a regular thing, there’s the pattern of when you see each other for date, leaving stuff at each other’s places, and a groove of how you communicate and relate physically. Eventually, there’s feelings….feelings noticed, feelings caught, feelings admitted.

I am in polyamory so that I can share abundant love, so I am fairly quick to see the unique aspects of people, admire and appreciate them, and tell them!

Saying “I love you” is a big deal and yet, it still just means only what it says, “I love you.” It doesn’t initiate the launch codes for an engagement ring, it doesn’t mean you don’t love anyone else.

(Everybody just CALM down.)

I recently learned that while I fall in love fast, I fall in trust slowly. So the real milestone for me is to stop questioning and vetting and trying to impress them, and just let myself be who I am. I know this is the risk of love, that no matter how strong, we can be hurt. But trust built helps me feel safe enough to show myself and allow myself to be vulnerable.

Meeting the Circle:

I do not introduce many of my partners to my husband, but I have done it twice so far because it became important to me…



North Star

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