Continual conversations with health care providers who haven’t quite grasped polyamory yet.
The question above is right there in the quizzical look from my doctor, from the PA, the nurse…you sleep with multiple people….? And the answer is: “Yes, on purpose, and continual. I’m not ashamed. I am seeking your advice though, and it can’t be: sleep with just one person.”
Let’s begin there.
Medicine Ignores People who Choose to have Multiple Partners …
I have a direct approach to health care, and I’m careful to read up on research and advice, for both my professional and personal use. I find it delightful to discuss health topics openly and honestly, and my primary care doctor and gynecologist are generally very receptive. But now…. my primary care doctor has left and my gynecologist was booked so now I have to re-explain everything.
Yes, I’m married.
Yes, I’m having sex with more than one person.
Yes, that’s what I want to do, and what I want to keep doing.
Yes, everyone knows and we talk about it openly.
Yes, everyone gets tested regularly…that’s why I’m here.
How do I screen providers for a willingness to avoid judgement and have these conversations with me?
There are no guidelines for women over 25 with multiple partners…probably because we aren’t thought to exist. (Why aren’t you married and monogamous yet?!?)
Guidelines Vary
Over in this piece, There are No Guidelines for You, I review the US and Canadian guidelines on STIs. The Canadians also address serial monogamy is not the answer to preventing STIs, because the assumption that people “feel safe” or “look safe” is not adequate. Because of the lack of symptoms, a partner you’ve been sleeping with monogamously could still have given you an infection and you passed it back and forth for the duration of your relationship. They recommend consistent condom use and STI testing to be followed by mutual monogamy.
COVID is an STI
Isn’t it interesting to see how some of these parallel things that have been revealed…
