The Dream: To be Known and Loved
First, be seen.
Then, be known.
To be loved.
Yes, this is the dream. It’s a romantic ideal. I don’t think I’m particularly romantic in the unrealistic sense, but I do believe it exists, and if it exists, maybe you can find it…
But what can I do except seek partners who can do this? Who wants to do this? What human is capable of doing the hard work of seeing, knowing, loving?
The Lessons
I have learned more about myself in the past few years than I ever thought possible.
I am better at knowing what makes me feel loved, at what I need instead of what I thought I needed.
I thought I wanted to be well-loved in public.
To be admired.
To be adored.
What I actually want is people who love me enough to have the hard conversations when I mess up — and to hold me when life messes me up. In Mia Birdsong’s intensely amazing book, How We Show Up, she has a full chapter on how it’s hard to show up for people when a tragedy happens to them, but exponentially harder when they do wrong and must be accountable for it.