The Dream: To be Known and Loved
First, be seen.
Then, be known.
To be loved.
Yes, this is the dream. It’s a romantic ideal. I don’t think I’m particularly romantic in the unrealistic sense, but I do believe it exists, and if it exists, maybe you can find it…
But what can I do except seek partners who can do this? Who wants to do this? What human is capable of doing the hard work of seeing, knowing, loving?
The Lessons
I have learned more about myself in the past few years than I ever thought possible.
I am better at knowing what makes me feel loved, at what I need instead of what I thought I needed.
I thought I wanted to be well-loved in public.
To be admired.
To be adored.
What I actually want is people who love me enough to have the hard conversations when I mess up — and to hold me when life messes me up. In Mia Birdsong’s intensely amazing book, How We Show Up, she has a full chapter on how it’s hard to show up for people when a tragedy happens to them, but exponentially harder when they do wrong and must be accountable for it.
I am coming to the realization that I need my circle to be smaller, so that the love can be deeper. Not always the easy love, but the true love. Which includes the hard times, when we have feelings that are uncharitable or unflattering, the muddle of stress and nerves and anxious decision-making.
Bad News
I got some bad news yesterday. No one died or anything, but it was a shock to me and my plans and my ego. A personal defeat.
I began with telling my husband and my partner. They were shocked on my behalf, and sorry for me…but then they helped me figure out how to take care of myself. They reminded me to eat something. To go out in the sunshine, to not do anything rash until I’d thought it through.
Then I walked around and felt sorry for myself and cried tears of frustration. And then I messaged my two closest friends, one of whom is my metamour through my husband. They gently supported me and let me feel my feelings without…
